SO VERY EMBARRASSED!

Hello, all!  I hope you're all well!

Before you have the possibility of seeing or hearing about an incident on the Circle MB (if you haven't already), I'm letting you know in this post which isn't easy, but I believe myself to be an honest person still.  So, here goes.  I don't deny when I am wrong, as hard as it is, I stand still and face it -- first step to a true resolution and healing despite the difficulty.  I've apologized and I'm still apologizing for a mistake.  For my sincerity, and for what my apology is worth to the other person, I can only pray I'll ever be forgiven.  I am asking  all of you reading this post to try to be patient with me as I try to get though this -- admitting to being wrong.  I may ramble as my pride is not quite "up to par". This is not to make excuses or to justify myself, and I am not attempting to push aside or minimize my bad behavior.  I am acknowledging and taking responsbility for my unthoughtfulness and rudeness with all the shame it bears.

I' m embarrassed and truly remorseful over a comment I made on the Circle MB.  I accused someone of stealing one of my files and using it to promote themself on the Circle Blog.  I did this based on the fact the person had a  project posted which was identical looking to one of mine I'd posted.  Because of the exactness in the project's duplication,without further thought, I believed and assumed this person had actually used my exact file; and it didn't help that my project had been posted for weeks prior to this person's post.  My first reaction was hurt that someone could so such a thing but that quickly escalated into anger which led me to verbally accusing this person, and I did so publicly on the MB.   Eventhough I felt I'd been taken advantage of was no reason to accuse without giving the person the benefit of doubt  -- and to make it public was inexcusable.  I normally try to be bigger than this but I allowed my emotions to take over, so I failed miserably in stopping to think of other options to get to the bottom of the situation rationally, with discretion, or some diplomacy.  I just didn't think at all!  Now I am publicly admitting my mistake and apologizing because in the interim, I found this person had created their own file which as it happened looked to be an exact replica of my project although her file was totally different than mine; even admit it was very well done.  So well so, I'm surprised our projects looked identical!  I owe an apology to this person and everyone else I put in contact with my burst of anger.  I was wrong!  WRONG!

Although I said it, I don't feel any better saying I'm human and I err because it doesn't help me or the other person!  You know and I know I'm human but being so doesn't mean you don't suffer consequences when you do something you shouldn't have.  I actually feel worse, and that it has somehow robbed me of what I believe and expect of myself.  And, even if my feelings were also initally hurt, I never would have intentionally set out without regard to  hurt someone else's feelings regardless to who was right -- or wrong!!!

Funny (or really not so funny), I'd forgotten until I gave my reaction thought how early last year someone accused me of stealing a file and how I felt having to defend myself. Had I considered this, I know I would have handled this better, and considered how this person might have felt first before acting like a maniac.   I don't act this way, it surprises me!  Bad results -- lesson well learned!

I also recalled how before I started blogging I couldn't even make a file and was dependent on the files others willingly shared for the beautiful gifts I made from their generousity.  Not that mine are great, but I  learned to make my own files with the help of 2 wonderful ladies through their "Let Me Show You How To Do That (LMSYHTDT) webcasts and I couldn't wait to give back, inspire and motive those that could use it  as I had. I enjoyed and have such fun sharing files with a hope it's helping someone.  It really has pleased me!  So I just don't know how I let myself go to a such  bad place as I did. Of course, I don't want to be misused or my trust disregarded, no one does.  And, although I believed this to have happened at the time, I should have exercised more control than to let a "pity party" control me and run off to rant.  I let the devil just march right  in where he's wasn't wanted!

I automatically trust we do not disrepect each other, our properties, use of files, etc. and we don't, so  how could I be so mean as to accuse a fellow blogger?!!! I'm hoping my open apology is at least received if not accepted.  When it all boiled down for me, I care about trust but realized I really didn't care much about the use of the file at all -- if I were asked for the use of a file to publish I probably would..., but as they are mine, I know I'd like to be asked and given a little credit.  I'm here simply to enjoy myself; I'm retired, not looking for a job, so I really don't care how my files are used.  But, as would we all, I do expect some common courtesy even if I don't ever get it.    Again, I'm not making excuses or justifying because I got beside myself and acted out of character, I can't do that or even begin to forgive myself.  This is a matter  I need to resolve with my God before I start my own healing because I strongly believe we pay for what we do.  And I'll pay for my course of action!

I wish I could take back my "biting" words and this had not happened.  I'm just not one to let things get in the way of my happiness and I honestly can't  understand why I got so angry to let it.  I do, however, understand the painful shock I believed at the time that led to it.  But I shouldn't have given the matter such importance.  It wasn't important at all and  life is just too short to get so tangled up in pettiness when they're so many more wonderful things we can be enjoying.  I strongly question what got into me!

I love sharing my files and love when anyone is inspired by them.  I am, as well, inspired by so many crafters and I scraplift just as the next person does.  I often see projects but can't find instructions, so I  hoard the project in my head until I can recreate it.  I normally don't know where I've picked up some of my project inspirations because I have a habit of just cruising along; I may have even picked some of them up from you.  But when something that has inspired me pops into my head,  I put in time and effort  recreating the project and creating a file/pattern for how I'd like my project to look based on the picture I have in my head -- I hardly ever recall where I've seen an project to even revisit it; so it's seldom an exact replica when I recreate one, that I'm aware of, and that's my intention to be kind of different.  If I use someone else's original file, I will  give credit, if I can, or let it be known it's not mine.   I very though use anyone else's files these days; and unfortunately, redesigning a project does not make it exclusive.  When we scraplift, it's still a scraplifted project and there are bound to be -- at least -- similarities oftentimes.  I know this.  I prefer my own original creations, and probably it's probably why I'm "blocked right now, trying to come up with my own unique idea to share.  I even see and realize now how it can avoid duplication discrepancies too!!!!  The bottom line is once we put our files out here, be prepared for what can happen and how we are most likely to handle it!  We all have creative minds and that in itself means we can think alike when it comes to a project.  Take it from me you don't want to go to a bad place over a bad decision!  As for me, I'll keep sharing and let the chips fall where they may! This is one of my enjoyments; this and you are what I'll concern with from here on in.  This is what is really important here to me!  And, I really do sincerely love you all!  I wouldn't want anyone to be afraid to use my files; that is why they're here.

Someone did tell me though before there was a Victorian shoe on YouTube.  I don't frequent places where there are so many people with so much going on like YouTube, or Facebook, Twitter -- any of those kinds of sites -- too fearful of viruses.  So I guess I'm missing out on a lot of things I might search for and don't find.

I have so much more to say but this post is long enough.  I'm just going to say  my reaction came from my head and not my heart, and leave it at that!  I am ashamed of myself and wouldn't blame anyone else who feels this way towards me also!  You can't think any worse than I think of myself at the moment.

I guess I'll be back once I deal with myself, and if I can get my creative spirit back any time soon at all now.