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Saturday, March 12, 2011

SO VERY EMBARRASSED!

Hello, all!  I hope you're all well!

Before you have the possibility of seeing or hearing about an incident on the Circle MB (if you haven't already), I'm letting you know in this post which isn't easy, but I believe myself to be an honest person still.  So, here goes.  I don't deny when I am wrong, as hard as it is, I stand still and face it -- first step to a true resolution and healing despite the difficulty.  I've apologized and I'm still apologizing for a mistake.  For my sincerity, and for what my apology is worth to the other person, I can only pray I'll ever be forgiven.  I am asking  all of you reading this post to try to be patient with me as I try to get though this -- admitting to being wrong.  I may ramble as my pride is not quite "up to par". This is not to make excuses or to justify myself, and I am not attempting to push aside or minimize my bad behavior.  I am acknowledging and taking responsbility for my unthoughtfulness and rudeness with all the shame it bears.

I' m embarrassed and truly remorseful over a comment I made on the Circle MB.  I accused someone of stealing one of my files and using it to promote themself on the Circle Blog.  I did this based on the fact the person had a  project posted which was identical looking to one of mine I'd posted.  Because of the exactness in the project's duplication,without further thought, I believed and assumed this person had actually used my exact file; and it didn't help that my project had been posted for weeks prior to this person's post.  My first reaction was hurt that someone could so such a thing but that quickly escalated into anger which led me to verbally accusing this person, and I did so publicly on the MB.   Eventhough I felt I'd been taken advantage of was no reason to accuse without giving the person the benefit of doubt  -- and to make it public was inexcusable.  I normally try to be bigger than this but I allowed my emotions to take over, so I failed miserably in stopping to think of other options to get to the bottom of the situation rationally, with discretion, or some diplomacy.  I just didn't think at all!  Now I am publicly admitting my mistake and apologizing because in the interim, I found this person had created their own file which as it happened looked to be an exact replica of my project although her file was totally different than mine; even admit it was very well done.  So well so, I'm surprised our projects looked identical!  I owe an apology to this person and everyone else I put in contact with my burst of anger.  I was wrong!  WRONG!

Although I said it, I don't feel any better saying I'm human and I err because it doesn't help me or the other person!  You know and I know I'm human but being so doesn't mean you don't suffer consequences when you do something you shouldn't have.  I actually feel worse, and that it has somehow robbed me of what I believe and expect of myself.  And, even if my feelings were also initally hurt, I never would have intentionally set out without regard to  hurt someone else's feelings regardless to who was right -- or wrong!!!

Funny (or really not so funny), I'd forgotten until I gave my reaction thought how early last year someone accused me of stealing a file and how I felt having to defend myself. Had I considered this, I know I would have handled this better, and considered how this person might have felt first before acting like a maniac.   I don't act this way, it surprises me!  Bad results -- lesson well learned!

I also recalled how before I started blogging I couldn't even make a file and was dependent on the files others willingly shared for the beautiful gifts I made from their generousity.  Not that mine are great, but I  learned to make my own files with the help of 2 wonderful ladies through their "Let Me Show You How To Do That (LMSYHTDT) webcasts and I couldn't wait to give back, inspire and motive those that could use it  as I had. I enjoyed and have such fun sharing files with a hope it's helping someone.  It really has pleased me!  So I just don't know how I let myself go to a such  bad place as I did. Of course, I don't want to be misused or my trust disregarded, no one does.  And, although I believed this to have happened at the time, I should have exercised more control than to let a "pity party" control me and run off to rant.  I let the devil just march right  in where he's wasn't wanted!

I automatically trust we do not disrepect each other, our properties, use of files, etc. and we don't, so  how could I be so mean as to accuse a fellow blogger?!!! I'm hoping my open apology is at least received if not accepted.  When it all boiled down for me, I care about trust but realized I really didn't care much about the use of the file at all -- if I were asked for the use of a file to publish I probably would..., but as they are mine, I know I'd like to be asked and given a little credit.  I'm here simply to enjoy myself; I'm retired, not looking for a job, so I really don't care how my files are used.  But, as would we all, I do expect some common courtesy even if I don't ever get it.    Again, I'm not making excuses or justifying because I got beside myself and acted out of character, I can't do that or even begin to forgive myself.  This is a matter  I need to resolve with my God before I start my own healing because I strongly believe we pay for what we do.  And I'll pay for my course of action!

I wish I could take back my "biting" words and this had not happened.  I'm just not one to let things get in the way of my happiness and I honestly can't  understand why I got so angry to let it.  I do, however, understand the painful shock I believed at the time that led to it.  But I shouldn't have given the matter such importance.  It wasn't important at all and  life is just too short to get so tangled up in pettiness when they're so many more wonderful things we can be enjoying.  I strongly question what got into me!

I love sharing my files and love when anyone is inspired by them.  I am, as well, inspired by so many crafters and I scraplift just as the next person does.  I often see projects but can't find instructions, so I  hoard the project in my head until I can recreate it.  I normally don't know where I've picked up some of my project inspirations because I have a habit of just cruising along; I may have even picked some of them up from you.  But when something that has inspired me pops into my head,  I put in time and effort  recreating the project and creating a file/pattern for how I'd like my project to look based on the picture I have in my head -- I hardly ever recall where I've seen an project to even revisit it; so it's seldom an exact replica when I recreate one, that I'm aware of, and that's my intention to be kind of different.  If I use someone else's original file, I will  give credit, if I can, or let it be known it's not mine.   I very though use anyone else's files these days; and unfortunately, redesigning a project does not make it exclusive.  When we scraplift, it's still a scraplifted project and there are bound to be -- at least -- similarities oftentimes.  I know this.  I prefer my own original creations, and probably it's probably why I'm "blocked right now, trying to come up with my own unique idea to share.  I even see and realize now how it can avoid duplication discrepancies too!!!!  The bottom line is once we put our files out here, be prepared for what can happen and how we are most likely to handle it!  We all have creative minds and that in itself means we can think alike when it comes to a project.  Take it from me you don't want to go to a bad place over a bad decision!  As for me, I'll keep sharing and let the chips fall where they may! This is one of my enjoyments; this and you are what I'll concern with from here on in.  This is what is really important here to me!  And, I really do sincerely love you all!  I wouldn't want anyone to be afraid to use my files; that is why they're here.

Someone did tell me though before there was a Victorian shoe on YouTube.  I don't frequent places where there are so many people with so much going on like YouTube, or Facebook, Twitter -- any of those kinds of sites -- too fearful of viruses.  So I guess I'm missing out on a lot of things I might search for and don't find.

I have so much more to say but this post is long enough.  I'm just going to say  my reaction came from my head and not my heart, and leave it at that!  I am ashamed of myself and wouldn't blame anyone else who feels this way towards me also!  You can't think any worse than I think of myself at the moment.

I guess I'll be back once I deal with myself, and if I can get my creative spirit back any time soon at all now.

34 comments:

GabyCreates.com said...

Oh Audrey, I am so so sorry you are going through this!
I know this won't help, but know that last night as soon as I saw that design on the Circle Blog, I immediately thought it was yours! and was surprised your name was not attached to it!!
Also know that I was in Chicago before meeting you, and that I will call you next time I'm there (maybe this summer!)
I can go on and on, but know that I DO HAVE A LOT OF RESPECT FOR YOU!!
Hugs and Kisses, Gaby

Melissa said...

First of all Audrey, I think it takes a big person to publically admit mistakes and take responsibility for their actions. That being said...I may not KNOW you, meaning that I've never met you in person, but I know you from the Cricut Board, from your blog and from your worderful comments you always leave on my blog and I know that you are not a mean or hurtful person. I say you just chalk this up to a bad day, Lord knows we all have them and unfortunately sometimes our mouths work faster than our brains. I've been guilty of that myself many times before. Don't be too hard on yourself. You are a kind and generous person.

{{{HUGS}}}
Melissa

Jean said...

Audrey, You are always so great to share your files and I know you would not have intentionally tried to hurt the person. I am sure if I thought someone had used my file and not gave me credit, I would have done the same thing.

scrappin sista said...

Audrey,
I think you're a little too hard on your self! We are all human, we are not perfect, and we all make mistakes! I hope to see you soon! you give me so much inspiration! Just pray about it, that makes me feel better, i know it will help you too!
Alice

Sandy from Ukiah said...

Oh Audrey, please don't be so hard on yourself.. I am so sorry this has happen to you, and I can certainly understand how it could have happen.. yes, satan is out there looking to trip us up any way he can. I wish I could say or do something to make you feel better, but remember all of us that know and love you know that that isn't you... I am here if there is anything I can do... sending you LOTS OF HUGS

Jamie Lane [Cripps] said...

I think you are beating yourself up...probably more so than the one on the other end of all this :) Mistakes happen and emotions get the best of ALL of us from time to time. Hang in there, hopefully it will all blow over soon. I still <3 ya! :)

Beebeebabs said...

Hi Audrey it hurts me to see you so sad and upset over this. We all make mistakes. Audrey life is too short to stress yourself out over this. OK you admitted you was wrong and you apologized that's all you can do. Audrey we are all human and humans make mistakes. Audrey put all this behind you and get back into your creative spirit.

Kate said...

Audrey, it took a great deal of courage and strength to write your post. We all make mistakes and you have admitted yours and are seeking to make things right. That is such a good thing! Forgive yourself and then let it go, moving on a better and stronger person. May you find peace within and forgiveness from others. xox

Shelley said...

Audrey, we are all human and there are many circumstances that come together that cause us to do and say the things we do. So often we ask forgiveness when we err but it is our own selves that won't allow us forgiveness.

You know what it is like from previous experience to give the benefit of the doubt to someone who accused you. So we will all hope that this person will also have the same character and do the same for you.

I'm here for you if you need a shoulder to lean on.

Shelley

ScrapCrazyyyy! said...

You are still one of my favorite bloggers :-) Hugs to you, I could feel your pain as I read your blog.

This is a good reminder for all of us in all aspects of our lives. Don't be so hard on yourself. You are a wonderful person that brings a smile to so many faces every day. I am so glad that you found my blog last year - I always look forward to your next post.

Chin up my friend!!!!

Dawnll said...

Oh Audrey I feel so bad for you sweetie!
I must say it takes a big person to admit their wrong or have wronged another person.
Please don't be so hard on yourself...you are only human my dear.
We all craft because it is an extension of ourselves and hate the thought of someone touching on that and abusing our creation.
I think by apologizing you have showed your true self and should be sufficient to show your character.

Hopefully the other person accepts your apology or even if she doesn't it will show her character and true self.
I am sending you a big hug to let you know I am keeping you in my thoughts and care deeply about your hurt.
Take care

FitterTwit said...

That is a wonderful apology!!!! And if anyone can honestly say they haven't behaved wrongly EVER, then I'd say that even THAT person would have to accept your apology (because not accepting it would be wrong... LOL!).

jen said...

Just sending you a big hug...
jen

Cricut Couple said...

Hey Girl, You just keep on going. Things happen, and unfortunately, sometimes they happen over and over again. You are really being way too hard on yourself. It's all about the joy and love of the art. This entire thing will be forgotten tomorrow. Besides that, your design was totally original and gorgeous. All of them are. You just go forward and keep on creating. Life is so short, that so many will forget about this in short order and will be impatiently waiting for your next incredible creation... By the way, we are already in line. We love your designs! On... By the way... I followed your lead and made a friend some towels last week. I was running so late by the time I worked with that old embroidery machine that I totally forgot to take a picture of them when they were done, but I did them in Chocolate, Silver and Hot Lime! They were GORGEOUS! Thanks so much for the inspiration! They were a big hit!

shari said...

Audrey, Audrey, Audrey, Relax, I'm sure this person will accept your apology, it definately is sincere. It was a mistake anyone could have made and you probably reacted like most of us would. Forgive yourself and quit loosing sleep over it. We all know your a good and generous person. We all love you!!! Shari (cricutrookie)

magicwanda said...

Hi Audrey
No need to feel bad you apologized , and yes we are all human and make mistakes thats how we learn but being a good Christian we do the right thing and ask forgiveness that you did now just have to let it go... Don't worry about it Audrey you are a wonderful person and I love you my sister in Christ.
Big Hugs Wanda

Treva said...

Audrey,
This too shall pass and you will weather this storm. You are a dynamic crafter and you are human so you've apologized and thats all that one can ask of you. Take care and know that we understand.

Sandy from Ukiah said...

Audrey, just wanted to pop in and tell you that you are in my prayers... I so miss seeing you post my friend.. love you

Mary said...

Oh Audrey I haven't been on the blog for a while so I had no idea about this misunderstanding. Can I just say "open mouth and insert foot!" Seriously we all have had times when we have jumped to the wrong conclusions. Don't you know dear that is what makes us human? You are so correct when you speak of creative minds thinking alike. Sometimes when I'm surfing other blogs I'll see something I really like and I just can't get that idea out of my head. But I always try to add my own touch. Others times I'll come up with an "original" idea only to find EVERYONE has done something like it a while ago. So my friend, please forgive yourself because I'm certain God has. Hugs always, Mary

JustYolie said...

Audrey, you are one classy lady and it's obvious you are child of God. "To err is human." I agree with your comment "...life is just too short to get so tangled up in pettiness when they're so many more wonderful things we can be enjoying." Know that I have and will continue to respect you and your wonderful work.

Hugs,
Yolie

Karelj said...

This must be the day to eat our words...I have an apology on my blog right now, as well...where I also spoke before thinking and was harsh and unloving in my heart...please find a way to return. Part of repentance is facing things...and, even though we've both apologized, it takes returning to face the music in the aftermath that shows true repentance and strength. I'm praying for you.

Rhonda Emery said...

stopping by to say hi now get to work on something I am having with drawls from your great work you share. ha

suez said...

I am so sorry to hear that this has happened. So mny times we act without thinking things through. Hopefully the person will understand and feel your heartfelt apolagy. You need to know that you are forgiven s we are all only human and make mistakes. Hugs Suez

MsJay said...

I completely understand. That is the very reason I won't share cuts. But don't worry too much I'm sure they will accept you apology.

lovemypaper said...

Hello Audrey,well I did read it all,I would like to say try not to beat yourself up to much.Thing do happen we are only human.Take care and hope to see you soon.

Flamenco92627 said...

Audrey, I hope you get your creative spirit back ASAP! It was very sweet of you to apologize so publicly and of course anyone who knows anything about you knows what a big heart you have. I am not on the Circle MB, but I'm sure that whatever you originally said will be moved beyond in no time if not already. HUGS!

Besthobbyeva said...

Everyone makes mistakes, but is takes a true human soul to admit and rectify it! You have done your wrong right and should not beat yourself up!

Sometimes emotions do get the better of us. You are passionate about your work, as you should be.

I hope crafting bug comes back very soon!!

Laurie

Love That Bug said...

Audrey,
I am not sure of the details, but I think you are an awesome person for making a very public apology. Sometimes our pride gets in the way of us doing that.
Please please please, don't let this stop you from creating. I love seeing your projects and hearing about your day. It lets me know that your doing well and all is ok
Many hugs to you sweetie
Stacy

Luvy said...

Hi Audrey, I've been thinking about you since you posted this. I hope things have improved in a positive way. We've all been there! Hang in there! Sending lots o {{HUGS}}!

Sandy from Ukiah said...

Audrey I am so worried about you my friend... please come back. luv u my friend..

~BridgetL~ said...

First off Audrey, here is a hug.{ } It human nature to want to protect our things. You did what any human would have done. But in being the person that you are and openly offering an apology shows that you have a kind and caring heart. Im sure whoever it was will take your apology to heart.

Staying Crafty said...

We all do things out of strong emotions sometimes. Admitting you are wrong and apologizing is all you can do now - so PLEASE don't beat yourself up!!! I think the hardest lesson to learn sometimes is compassion for ourselves, but WE ARE just as deserving of the compassion that we show others. You have to forgive yourself when you've done all you can do to remedy the situation. Just as you would forgive someone else!!!

DonnaMundinger said...

Weel, I missed all of this but I'm hoping by now you've forgiven yourself, girlfriend. to publicly admit you overreacted is the first step towards healing. I certainly understand how you feel and felt, but you're too a good person to not be forgiven. xxD

PinkBlingCrafter said...

Hi Audrey, I'm sorry to hear what happened! I think it was big of you to apologize publicly and yes, our emotions can take over us at times but, don't beat yourself up! After all we are all human and we do make mistakes you know!! You have done what you can and apologized and hopefully the other person can accept it and also move on. Big Hugs!!